Bah humbug! When was the last time ya updated this sorry excuse for a mailbag, ya lazy bum? Back in my day, we didn't HAVE mailbags! We would just have meatbags! Yeah, they were bags full of meat! I remember my first meatbag. It was during the war! Back then, there were a lot of wars. Anyway, this meatbag was finely imported from the USSR. Back then, there wasn't any fancy Russia! Just one giant mothercountry! It was bigger than Aaron Carter's ego! Well, maybe not that big. As I was saying, the meatbag was finely imported. Back then, it would take as long as 8 months to import something, because the ships were made of clay! You see, in the 1920s, people thought clay was really fast. How wrong they were! I remember when the clay model of the Next Titanic sunk faster than an Entiemann's Cake down Whoopie Goldberg's throat! So anyway, my finely imported meatbag on this clay ship took a whole 6 months to arrive. The fellow on board told me that he met an iceburg along the way, which was understandable! You see, back then scientists had no idea what the hell they were doing! So they decided to dump a huge amount of radiation into an iceburg, and out came the magnificent talking iceburg! They were going to cage it at the zoo, but it was too big, so they dumped some radiation into some clay instead. Bah! When I saw the Magnificent Talking Piece of Blue Clay, I wasn't all that impressed. Back then, talking inanimate ojects were out! BELTS were in! Especially those with the three thousand holes. In my day, the more belt holes you had, the cooler you were. I once bought a belt with vertical AND horizantal holes! I was king of the school until my dog ate it. In the 1920s, dogs ate more than homework. They ate clay, belts, and onions. Oh, MAN what horrible onion breath my dog once had! It was worst than the Grammys. So anyway, after this fellow told me about the Magnificent Talking Iceburg, I got my first meatbag. I ate it over a course of 2 weeks, and boy was I sick by the end! I never ate again after that. And that's the story of why I have no metabolism!
Tune in next time for more RAMBLING GRANDPA!
Mewd: Theres no way I could ever top this sort of letter.
7:51PM 8/8/2001 from
I'd have to agree with what you said about writing... I remember that when I started off at Lemmy's, I pulled out stories faster than you could say 'Holy Mother of all Star Guardians' However... I became incredibly disatisfied with my works when they all landed in scribbles, the section that resulted from me sending in unthought through works with no real point. Well... Now I haven't made a scribble in ages... But I think my fan-fic work is getting better, even if it does take a half year to get one out! *points at all the MoK series stories* On the 3rd one! Racku and Peach forever!
Welp... I really need to get back to my latest story for while I have writer's block on MoK3... HAUNTED!
~False reality is the only true fantasy... It's merely a play of contradictions...~- Ludwig Von Koopa
Chimu Zyphon 'TMS' Kasara-Chiri, Prince of Staria and all unholy matter from space that Smash Damacon can not have.
Mewd: I have no real comment to add, I just felt like posting this.
7:51PM 8/5/2001 from
Hi there. It's me, that one annoying guy from the message
board... Well I just wanted to say hi and you have a cool site. Amusing, a nice place to waste alot of time.
Oh just for the heck of it, here is a very very dangerous...
-=¤ºLil Cheep Cheepº¤=-
P.S: Please note that if the rubber ducky is sqeezed, it will go off like a nuclear device. Oops, should've told you that sooner...
Mewd: Ah, little cheep cheep, I was hoping I'd get a chance to talk to you personally. I've seen some of your work at Lemmy's land and would like to offer you some advice. However try and take this lightly, I mean no offense to you. I noticed at Lemmy's land that you managed to write several stories within a weeks time, now, not that this is a bad thing but it seems you are falling into the recess that many of the other authors of Lemmy's land have gotten into it. Simply put, quanity over quality. One could write a hundread short stories of below average quality and be satisfied with their work, however their are TOO many authors in Lemmy's land who take this path, so therefore the entire site is overrun with below average works. It accumulates into a sea of stories that few are able to find the gems really worth reading becuase most of them are pointless short stories with no real plot, or one thats far from intresting or dosen't meet its full potentional. My advice to you is this, take your time. Stop wasting your time with making lots of short stories and concentrate on improving the quality of them individually. Sure you get more votes if make lots of short ones, but do you think the reader will enjoy the story? You need to pace yourself and take details into thought and try and make the best plot possible without lowering yourself to corney running gags and contrived over used plots. You won't stand out unless you put real heart into your works. Quality over quanity. You can't make a masterpeice in a day, you need to put all your effort into a single drop and make sure it satisfies you. Read it over and over, is it intresting? Is it funny? Is it emoutional, dramatic? Is it all that you want it to be? You can always go back and change whatever you wish. Writing can be tedios, and the few who actually take it serriosly ususally have the hardest time writing their works, but its always worth it in the end as long as they continue their stride. I know it may be more effort them some people are willing to give for it but its for the writer to deicde if they truly want to take this trade in for what they want. I want to be a writer myself, the trade is hard and the income is far from stable, but the shere idea of creating ones own world and characters in adventures and places you controll can draw one in to such a extent. Fan fiction is merely fans using other peoples works as a bassis for their own writings, but its not something you should base your own works after. Read great novels of fantasy, romance, adventure, comedy, drama, horror. Write and gain threw exsperiance work. Thats the only way to improve. Learn from others and to actually do it. You may agree or not but thats what I say, I don't know if you really wish to be a writer or if its just a side hobby you have. But thats my advice, take it or leave it.
7:51PM 7/2/2001 from email@example.com
i 8 a mRIO mushrome adn i endderd ^ hear!11!123`qwe
huw od i gt oUt off dis domp???<
Mewd: Sorry, there is no escape for the likes of you! Ha ha ha, etc. Welcome to enternal torment! Over theres the guest room and indoor swimming pool.
5:51PM 6/5/2001 from firstname.lastname@example.org
Well, at least you've shown remarkably good judgment in posting my stuff. The world is a better place for it. Now do us all a favor and please don't post anything more by you. That and sign over your site and all your belongings to the five tourists as a get-well present. We're housed in rooms 34-39 in the Interdemensional Nut House. It's the only way we'll ever forgive you for tricking us into coming here and ruining our lives.
~Smash AKA "The dragon boy that went absolutely nuts and decapitated three attendants before he could be tranquilized."
Mewd: Don't worry, Its not like I maintain the ability to do anything more creative then buttering burnt toast, Although I may be able to do it again if I put myself threw more torturing sleep depression. Well, let see... the five would probbally be TMS, You, Vivi, Stoker, and DG. So Instead of giving them all my belongings I'll give them a complimentery brochre of a fancy mcdonalds resturant in paris. I'll keep the site running for now, just to spite you. Bye bye.
8:44PM 4/17/2001 from KingBowser13@cs.com
I can't find the Moogle Shrine anywhere! Don't tell me you've deleted it?!
I was going to nominate it as one of the Seven Unnatural Wonders of the
The Great King Bowser of the Koopas
Its hidden in a scacred place thats slightly secret. Oooooo.....
Erm, secret. Yeah. Its punishment for people who click on random things on my page.
3:00PM 4/15/2001 from email@example.com
Mewd, after looking through your site, I have decided actually NOT to kill
you... for another 5 years. I figure, hey, this site is useful for
something... down in Hell, I'm sure Satan loves using your website for the
people who go down there. So see? Your website isn't completely useless
after all :oŞ
Mewd: Actually seeing as this site is far to cruel a punishment for any number of sins cuased that use isn't avalable to it. Thanks for no killing me, however I'm sure you'll regret it later on in a dragon ball z escue way, where dispite your pity I beat you up violently, take your lunch money, give you a wedgie, then join your side of whatever wars being currently faught.
Mailbag archive 1: Postal threats a plenty.
click here to return to the main page for further emoutional scarring.