Smash: Hey answer man....

Mewd: whatcha want?

Smash: Why is my sister so annoying?
Mewd: The purpose of all siblings even yourself is to annoy the other one, in some way. even if you don't know it is the true darkness and unexplained science of all mankind.

Smash: When you empty the recycling bin on the desktop in Windows 95, do your files actually get recycled into new files that you can use?
Mewd: Its a complete lie to make you feel corperate giants have enough heart to rycycle the poor files you brutally slaughter. but in truth they are put to work in sweat houses and as taxi drivers.

Smash: If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people smiling?
Mewd: becuase most blissfulness tends to lead to paranoia and susspecisian,Fallowed by a swirling mirage and silhote of hate and anger.

Smash: Why do teenagers get wisdom teeth?
Mewd: their teeth tend to build a educational understanding of things much faster then we do, most teeth become scholars by the time they reach teens.

Smash: What's the difference between lemon taste and lemony taste?
Mewd: Lemony taste is morely the run off of water on the outside of a lemon.

Smash: What will happen if I break a chain letter?
Mewd: You will be cursed by the seven sons of satan to a live of bitter pain and suffering as your children will be forever cursed to be geeky and never meet true loves as you yourself will be forced to live in a small box as a overwhelming feeling of sadness eats away at your insides like ravinus rats.
Smash: Cool

Smash: Why is it when you wear a hat for a long, long time, after a while it feels like it's not there anymore, but when you finally take it off, it feels like it's still there?
Mewd: Hats are highly intelligent beings, more so then youself or that pile of rocks overthere. They have agendas of their owns as they leep from your head to work on plans and they meet in forums, though once they return they ingect a juice into your body that makes you forget about their disappearance, thougha grogy left over feeling dose remain and it cuases you to feel like your still wearing the being as you take it off.
Smash: When are they going to stop fooling around with microprocessors and start making them full size?
Mewd: Never, the idea of building one strong enough to lift three times its own wheight in data staggers even the most learnid of scientists, they keep them small and weak to keep them in line so they never try to become hostile.

Smash: What would you call pure energy with an intelligence?
Mewd: tim. maybe bobby.

Smash: I've clicked "Return Home" three times now and I'm still in school. Is this some sort of sick joke?
Mewd: Yes, its been planned out for several monthes to horrify your existance,

Smash: What is the strongest muscle in the body?
Mewd: the nose, dispite being made of cartaledge it is far stronger then any muscle. Atleast in my body.

Smash: How do they empty empty calories, and what do they fill the full ones with?
Mewd: its a dazzling process that requires alot of time and effort, they have to hand carve the insides of each callerie out while shapeing amuseing faces on the sides and placeing lit flames inside, full calleries are ones taken with less care and therefore not worth eatting as why eat something nurrishing when you can have a ammuseing jack-ol-latern calerie?

Smash: Why do fish smell?
Mewd: They smell to inhale water threw their noses in case their gills are blocked off by some foriegn object.

Smash: What exactly is gravity?
Mewd: A form of science that teaches the workings of makeing gravy, most learnid by house wifes it is a art that requires alot of skill

Smash: What would happen if you tried to divide by zero?
Mewd: You will be cursed by the seven sons of satan to a live of bitter pain and suffering as your children will be forever cursed to be geeky and never meet true loves as you yourself will be forced to live in a small box as a overwhelming feeling of sadness eats away at your insides like ravinus rats.

Smash: If Thanatos is Death and Chronos is Time, what is Sagnos?
Mewd: snack-food

Smash: How can dragons and humans mate?
Mewd: really only dragons that can polymorph into humans seem to be able to mate with humans and humanoids. atleast by all I know

Smash: You're right, now what would happen if you cleaned your self-cleaning oven?
Mewd: You will be cursed by the seven sons of satan to a live of bitter pain and suffering as your children will be forever cursed to be geeky and never meet true loves as you yourself will be forced to live in a small box as a overwhelming feeling of sadness eats away at your insides like ravinus rats.
Smash: Logically.

Smash: What would happen if you killed off Satan?
Mewd: you'd be given a adoptive daughter as a reward and you would have to raise her to the age of 18, all your actions effect her life later on as you are able to make her do a wide varitiy of things, adventurer, a house wifde, a queen? its all up to you

Smash: What would happen if you killed off Satan and were then forced to take his place as Master of Hell and always refer to yourself in capitalised first letters?
Mewd: you'd grow a rather large ego and then be put in a xenogears seaqual.

Smash: Do clothing manufacturers really expect us to run a whole wash for each item marked "wash separately"?

Mewd: yes, other wise You will be cursed by the seven sons of satan to a live of bitter pain and suffering as your children will be forever cursed to be geeky and never meet true loves as you yourself will be forced to live in a small box as a overwhelming feeling of sadness eats away at your insides like ravinus rats.

Smash: What sound would a piano make while being driven down a highway on the backof a pick-up?
Mewd: it would sound sort of like "ding"

Smash: What's the differenence between Satan, Lucifer, and Beezlebub?
Mewd: Well satan rules heck, Lucifer is the overlord of evil and beezlebub runs the fashion industry.

Smash: Why is Matthew so obsessed with Rainbow, and why must he bug the rest of us with it and what should we do with him?
Mewd: The simple truth is that Matthew is a robot, programed to talk about the weather, Rainbow, Stupidic questions about your opinion on something, music, and insects. anytime you attempt to change the subject or state your opinion he will say "oh" and go back to the old topic, their is nothing we can do, we are all doomed.

Smash: Why is my alter-ego named Smash?
Mewd: Orignally when all Smash was, was a odd character that appeared suddenly with the ability to summon a jet plane at will he smashed the sound barrier and smashed into a wall, then smashed into the ground, and he staggered up and was smashed with several bricks. Then he asked a freind what kinda name would be cool for a online nick and he suggested "smash48"
Smash: (No, it was the name his barbarian parents gave him)

Smash: Why are you and your species named Mewd?
Mewd: becuase we had writers block.

Smash: If you mis-typed the Infernal Contract and accidently sold your soul to Stan, how could you get it back?

Mewd: steal a credit ticket from the store salesmen and offer to buy it back at insane product, wear him down till he offers it for the price the credits worth

Smash: Why are buns in backages of eight while hot dogs are in packs of 10?
Mewd: becuase if it were any differnt the universe would be ruled by darn dirty apes

Smash: How come my eyes are more sensitive to light when I wear contact lenses?
Smash: Even though I don't

Mewd: becuase they work as makeshift magnifing glasses, and the back of your eyes are engulfed in flames upon contact of light

Smash: Is it a burden to be incredibly intelligent? For that matter, is it a burden to be incredibly stupid?
Mewd: The only burden from intelligence is that you'll be distined to be around stupid people, and vice versa

Smash: What is IQ? How is it determined. and how can I find mine out?
Mewd: A IQ is what they call someone who has a collection of Independant state Quarters.
Mewd: It is determined by the number of quarters you have.

Smash: Okay, so what makes balloons stick to cats? Kai Dawnbringer: Huh?
Mewd: a ever present bond from past lifes

Smash: Why do my cats insist on drinking the water in the bathtub after my shower instead of the clean, fresh water in their bowls? ...when I had cats, that is
Mewd: be appreciative, their trying to conserv water, they know more then you and are out to perserv the world and lower your water bill

Smash: If I took two cell phones and placed them earpiece to mouthpiece and mouthpiece to earpiece, would the word "hello" repeat forever?
Mewd: No, it'd take a break at some point and light a cigerete and eat its lunch while complaining about the over work, and their stupid boss.

Smash: What is love?
Mewd: L, is for the way you Lick cookies and cream, O is for the Only oreo's I see. V is for very very, extra chunky chips, and E is for evermore rainbow chips deluxe I could ahdore.
Smash: Why does my computer hate me?
Mewd: it dosen't, however you've dishonored its ansestors in a poorly explained back story where it lives to annoy you to get revenge

Smash: What does Q-Tip stand for?
Mewd: Qudra, tiny imp people

Smash: If a quarter is two bits, this means that there are eight bits in a buck. There are also eight bits in a byte. Does this mean a byte is worth a buck?
Mewd: Yes, this completely explained how they chart chargeing for harddrives.

Smash: I have a brightness knob on my TV, but no matter how far I turn it, the characters remain as stupid as ever. Is there something wrong with my TV?
Mewd: No, this item added to your TV is designed to think you have controll over the intelligence of what you watch. this fools most people into the illusion that they have controll over their televions

Smash: How do you program a VCR?
Mewd: First off you retreive your remote, then you open it and take the tiny key the size of one of your ear bones, on the key there will be the address of a home in a third world contoury, go to that home, there will be a locked safe there, use the key in it, turn it 7 degrees exactly or the built in bomb will explode, inside you'll find a poorly drawn map of the surrounding area, there will be a trail thats measured in how many tip toe steps a toddler makes, go to that location, its about 60 miles west of the home or so under a loose floor board of a old bridge that hangs over a large trechourus cliff, there will be a few mystic runes on it, take them to the last surviveing elf to have then described, I forget his location, they will tell you of a vauge and hardly understandable legend of the mystic power to program your VCR. There will be dirrections also that will needed to be read backwards, while the alphabit itself is reverse and this is in elvish tounge by the way, fallow them, you will come accross a desert, you need to go to somewhere in this desert, its no spefficated where, just wander around till you come accross a large stone monolith in the center of the area, stand next to it and recite a spell of opening that only a grand mage could conjure and a small door the size of a hobbit will open, crawl threw and you will be inside a laberynth that goes deep into the earths crust, there should be lots of dead bodies of other travelers so make sure to stock up on any items they left behind as they died horribly. Now, navigate your way threw the maze, its pitch black so bring a few torches. You'll have to open the broken draw bridge accross the underground moat filled with live aligaters, find and peice together a lost book of omens that has been ripped to shreads, put it on the book stand in the library of sacrad legends and a doorway will swing open, it will be laid with bricks, now from the right hand side count 50 bricks out from the third one down of the 3 mile long tunnel, push it in and another door will open that leads down a spiral stair case into a abyess of screaming souls, you will come accross a gate gaurded by a large three headed dog that breaths fire, try to distract it with a chuck of your flesh or something and get threw the gate, now wander threw the molten heat of the world, search for a decapitated head wearing a necklace of eyes, he will tell you how to find your way threw, you'll come accross a giant rock in the center of it all, tap it three times to the sound of shave and a hair cut and it will become a stair case that leads into a round room filled witha table and the lords of the under world, make sure they don't spot you and go into the pool of blood and wade threw it about five miles. there you shall find inscribed on a stone on a small ilsand buried in solid stone, that is the only written manuscribt telling how to program a VCR.

Smash: If the Internet is supposed to be so stinking fast, how come I can get information quicker by getting on my bike and riding to the library than by going online?
Mewd: its just a excuse people tell themselves becuase of what they have to pay to use it

Smash: How do flies know when I'm going to swat them?
Mewd: Their pysic abilites peer deep into your emoutional understanding of things, seeing your true self and how and what you will ever do, then it just flies whenever it hears your hand comeing

Smash: How am I supposed to defeat a demon army that outnumbers my army five to one?
Mewd: Wear maskes that portray the faces of popular teen music artists
Smash: That'd be too cruel. I don't want to use the demon's own tatics to defeat them.

Smash: What alignment does the color plaid stand for?
Mewd: lawful chaos.

Smash: What have I got in my pocket?
Mewd: some fish guts, a few bones, some damp cloth, and a AOL free trial disk

Smash: What planet are cats from, anyway?
Mewd: Earth, but they try not to talk about it openly, to embarusing

Smash: How can you tell if a person is actually an AI(Artificial Intelligence) in disguise?
Mewd: See if they repeat the same thing over and over again, or if they walk around aimlessly in the streets or homes threwout their entire lifes, or if they don't mind that you steal things from their homes, and finnally if more then one of them look idenical.

Smash: Is the Internet actually a godless Communist plot to take over the world?
Mewd: no, they couldn't come up with a catchy slogon name for that so they just made it a highway of over used content and advertisement.

Smash: What is the hardest substance in the universe?
Mewd: Nutlog, such a fine road side cuzine it is.

Smash: Why would a mindless game about a guy in a red suit chasing a gorilla up a building to rescue his girlfriend that abandones him right after the game be so popular?
Mewd: becuase they had mallets ignorant fool!

Smash: Why are you obsessed with sticking your tongue out?
Mewd: I have to let my ignorant facial exspressions out over the internet or I'd fear you'd have to go without them

Smash: What does sugar do in your body anyways?
Mewd: it cuases it to have hangovers that rival those of alchaholics if you've eaten a single pixie stick, but also gives you a reason to stay up all night as it is more pungent then coffee

Smash: Why are people so obsessed with bashing each other with round metal objects when they've just drank 5 bottles of pop?
Mewd: Sugar cuases a intoxicated state called sugary happy happy, in scientifical terms atleast, this causes them to be attracted to anything metalic like magnets and beat it agianst something else to cuase wear off some of the excessive energy that most likely will cuase them great pain if not used. Thats why they watch sitcoms while drinking soda to dull the pain.

Smash: What do women really want?
This is something no man was ever meant to know, I've spoken to many a professor and I've come up with two results.
A) Curtains.
B) shiney things.
Mewd: So far my analize is likely to be inacurate, but I'm to lazy to continue research in this mystery

Smash: Why does almost every evil overlord look like they copied off all the other student's final exams at Evil Overlord School?
Mewd: mainly becuase theres only been one publication of "takeing over the world for complete moronic idiots"

Smash: Why are dragons and cats almost always portrayed as evil?
Mewd: People suspect that cats are evil from there paranoia that their all plotting against them becuase they seem to think all the time. Dragons on the other hand are considered evil becuase they claim they don't like the taste of apple pie.
Smash: Apple pie? Blech.
Mewd: Not that apple pie is entirely good, its just the principal of the thing
Smash: Why the heck did you ever make a web site?
Smash: For that matter.... Why did anyone ever come to your web site?
Mewd: I made a website to continue the ever present stride to dumb down the internet PASS what it already is, they come from the promise of orignal and humorful content, and are led asstray with dissappointment and lack of chaotic violence.

Smash: What is Final Fantasy about anyway?
Mewd: saveing the world while makeing hefty profit from chocobo plush toys.

Smash: If you're described as a cat thingy, how many charisitics do you share with cats?
Mewd: ears, eyes, fur, paws, whiskers, face, tail, laziness, ability to eat 5 times my body wheight and still be hungery, napping, and prolonged napping.

Smash: How do flash photographs work?
Mewd: first, theres a small arch mage inside the camera, when you push the button it nugdes him in the back, he then sucks the souls out of the people being photographed and encases them in small peices of paper, the reason you need film is that its a cheap food source for the little guy.

Smash: Sometimes, when I take pictures, instead of the people I focus the camera at, I see people with firey red eyes. Who are these creatures, and what have they done with the others?
Mewd: they're witches and demons, don't worry, this is ususally only present in young people, so its perfectly normal.

Smash: I've heard that women are made out of men's ribs. Should I try this at home? Please rush your answer, I'm extremely lonely.
Mewd: This is incorrect, theres no way to Grow women, there isn't a big enough plant pot for such a matter, you'll have to grow little girls first, the ingrediants are sugar and spice and lots of live lice, or something along those lines. Hope that helps!

Smash: I've heard references to the element of surprise. I checked my periodic table and can't find it. What am I doing wrong?
Mewd: The element of surprize isn't really a element, its more or less a sub one like: ice, and lightning, (to water, and air) The element of surprize is in referance to which element it roots to...Vegitable.

Smash: I'm trying to live forever, and, to that effect, I'm on a diet of highly preserved foods. How many Hostess Twinkies should I eat a day?
Mewd: Well, you should ration them to your budget, if your like me and can only afford one box a week, and there are twelve in the box, and there are forteen days until your next payday... you should save the cream thats left over on the wrapper for the second day.

Smash: Who set the speed limit of light? Is it different in Montana?
Mewd: Light travels the same speed in all of the states, however its slower in Africa. There is no speed limit of light, merely a required speed. Meaning a bunch of drunk scientists deicded to make it law that light must always travel faster then large african birds, the light in africa merely has a more acurate guess as to that speed.

Smash: Why can't you divide by zero?
Mewd: Becuase its non-socail and rebelios to socecity and humanity, its best to let it be and allow it to roll in its own self pity then attempt to comfort it. Its probally just a phase.

Smash: Does Abby from "Dear Abby" have a degree in anything?
Mewd: The black smith trade.

Smash: I'd like to make a sequel to "The Brain That Wouldn't Die". You'd play the ambitious but immoral doctor. I see Cheryl Ladd as your fiance, the one who loses her head in a car accident and comes to in a tray filled with formaldehyde and plastic tubes. I'd be interested in knowing who else you'd like to work with. There are roles for several shapely females and a monster who lives under the stairs. I'd direct. Do you have any preferences for cinematographer? Are you union?
Mewd: I'm not in the mood to play games with you, unless its hide and seek or something, so go away.

Smash: What is that metal thing that holds the eraser to the pencil called? My uncle says it's a 'fennel', but then again, he's been mixing a lot of rocksalt with his medication these days.
Mewd: Its called a "thingermajigger", Do not doubt my knowelge of such things.

Smash: Why are so many pencils yellow? Could it be a glandular condition?
Mewd: Pencils are yellow becuase if they had made them any other color, they wouldn't match the school bus', and no one could bare that.

Smash: What is paraellism?
Mewd: those that swear their souls to a relegion built around parrel parking

Smash: My sister is threatening to clone herself. What should I say to her?
Mewd: Ask if its one of those oppasite-of-what-alignment-you-are-cloners, if it is rejoice! More likely then not, it will be just like you.
Smash: And if it's not?
Mewd: Replace the cloneing machien with a box that has a sheep in it. No one should be able to tell the differnce.

Smash: I've found that if I turn the ringer off on my phone, I can still tell when someone's calling me. It's a hunch I have, an intuitive thought. Can you tell me what's going on here?
Mewd: You're hungery, the hungerier you are, the more sesnitive you are to the thoughts of those that plan to call you, pysic energy flow threw those who are famished!

Smash: Why does men's underwear have heaver elestic than women's underwear?
Mewd: Becuase only men tend to use them as sling shots at parties.

Smash Sumashi: Why are ants attracted to electrical outlets?
Mewd: There is candy in there. Trust me.

Smash Sumashi: If space is a vacuum, who changes the bag?
Mewd: Don't be silly, its a new model and they have a tray and slides out for easier removal.


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