Sleeping Person of Higher than Average Attractiveness
A nonsensical tale devised by the sleepless, and bored Mewd, and Smash.
Once upon a time, or to be more specffic four PM in the after noon...
There was a king named Mewd the Obvious III.
He sat upon a throne made up of a fancy lawn chair; he twiddled his thumbs and pondered what he should do to cure his current state of boredom.
So he summoned all the beautiful women of the kingdom and held a spitting contest.
Oh, a spinning contest...
Yeah, you know, taking sheep wool and changing it into thread.
They were to weave a picture of what they thought was the most precious thing in the world to them.
It mattered little of what they weaved. The winner was a common dancer named Clena. Mewd, rather pleased with the outcome revealed the prize of this contest.
Which happened to be a very large pile of jewels, gold, and Porcelain figurines and travelers checks!
But of course, the IRS suddenly appeared on the scene and confiscated the prize. So all that was left was that Clena was to become Mewd's wife.
For no explained reason.
After a rather amusing wedding where the bride had to be dragged to the altar, the happy couple settled into a honeymoon on a romantic ocean cruise, across the world.
Which they thought was flat, naturally. Most of the crew became over come with hysteria from fear of sailing off the end.
However, ten seconds right after leaving the port the boat was attacked by a group of disgruntled pirates.
But to get the plot back on track, Mewd brilliantly fought them off by offering them cushy office jobs.
Which they rejected by laughing so hard they stumbled back and forth over the deck and fell overboard.
Clena was somewhat impressed with Mewd's awkwardly effective battle skills that she fell in love with him.
The boat then stopped uprtly stopped sailing in the middle of the open sea after a few days, from an employee strike caused from the hysteria. They refused to ride on those amusing excersize bikes to power the ship until they were compensated better.
Leaving the couple with nothing G-Rated to do but cross-stiching.
The matter was later resolved when the captain decided that since he had an endless supply of obnoxious tourist, he decided to use them to power the ship or they'd be thrown overboard.
The original crew formed a nice union and then was thrown over board to their deaths.
Eventually, when they made it back to the kingdom, it turned out that Clena was pregnant. Don't ask me how, as the happy royal couple was at least 2 micrometers apart the whole trip.
Ironically, when they did get back they immediately noticed that because Mewd hadn't told anyone they were going on a trip, the entire kingdom thought he had died, and couldn't care less.
A few months pass...
Mewd had still failed to get anyone to believe he was still alive, so he settled for a plain average life with his wife.
Eventually she gave birth to twins. A boy they named Kalen who stole a sword immediately after being born and instantly went off to Plit.
And a girl they named Kiana, who was born with a scholar’s degree in her left paw.
Clena's screams had brought a semi-intelligent demi-god to see what was happening and wished he hadn't.
He recognized Mewd as the king, and immediately threatened his life with a spork on the spot.
After putting him in traction he realized that was a little extreme to do dispite the shere acceptable aftermath, so he decided to give them a nice gift to apologize for nearly killing him. Three infact.
First, he restored Mewd as king; the populace gave halfhearted cheer in response.
He gave his daughter a sticker sheet...
No, Something better
Some gensu knifes?
Kiana was given the gift of eloquence, refinement and a portable Blarney Stone.
But before he could give the third gift, the evil villain of the story arrived.
A black evil cloaked generic villain, who laughed maniacally as he stole candy from a baby, ate it infront of it, and then continued to laugh maniacally before disappearing into the shadows.
Then he reappeared and placed a curse on the baby mewd as a matter of principle.
The curses nature was rather odd, it was that she was to fall into a deep unawakable sleep on Mondays nine-five, and the only person to be able to cure this horrible curse would be a dashing generic prince of mild charm or higher.
And then she would be forced into an unhappy marriage with said person and end up as a boring, broken-down, housewife.
The villain then lept into the shadows, and reappeared in a restaurant to spend the rest of the day impersonating an obnoxious tourist.
Meanwhilst, the demi-god had a chance to try undoing the curse as the third gift. He cast this spell on the daughter. She would fall asleep all at once when she reached the age of 16; until said prince arrived from another kingdom. After the first few years of unhappy marriage, they would fall in love again through a valiant act by the female and live out the rest of their days in harmony and love.
The family took this whole ordelment with a minimal of shock, followed by suggestions on where they should eat tonight.
16 years later.....
Kiana was sitting in her dorm room at the academy of knowledge of the kingdom of ice pillar, when in the middle of solving a complicated world wide effected matter, she plops onto the desk asleep smashing all the beakers and scientific knick-knacks.
Her snores echoed throughout the entire complex, causing dozens of experiments to explode.
The academy was in a complete uproar because the only single female left in the academy was now under a semi-eternal sleep.
That day, a new student named Tyroth arrived. Who was half Draken and half mewd and also a prince, Subtle aren't we? He had just come from a trip to another planet where he had been researching those strange things known as temperate climates.
Attempting to find out why the entire male populace of the school was huddled about a room starring at the unconscious Kiana. He attempted to gather a bundle of misconceived ideas and poor explained explanations of the situation threw rumors and national newspapers distributions.
But he couldn't elbow his way through the crowd, so he bad-temperedly kicked a few of them in the shins and stormed off to his own dorm room, right next door.
He sat and waited patiently for the crowd to die down.
Two years pass...
The villain of the story finally figured out that his curse was counteracted and came to put a big mass of gum in Kiana's fur.
Unable to make his way threw the crowd, he picked a few off with a tazer, but found it of no use.
So he pulled out a shovel and tried to burrow under.
But because digging is hard work, he employed some evil minions to do it for him. Seeing that Evil minions tend to be big and ignorant, they uprooted the foundation instead.
Causing half the people in the building to stumble into walls and knock themselves out.
Fortunately, Tyroth was out at this time conducting experiments on tree roots, and lawn furniture.
And also for plot convenience, the half to got knocked out was the male half, isn't lazy writing grand?
The Villain then bound across the unconscious piles of bodies, and immediately he stuck a wad of gum on Kiana's left cheek, and then messed up her fur. Then continued to laugh until he rubbed his mustache with his thumb and forefinger and then disappeared into the shadows.
At about this time, the prince Tyroth was coming back to his room. He instantly noticed the piles of dead and unconscious bodies around Kiana's room. Suddenly, a shadowy guy snuck out of the room and headed in the opposite direction to get more gum, but Tyroth didn't know this.
So he ran across the piles of bodies without a second thought and immediately notice that the lady laying asleep in there did not have two heads, five tails, 4 feet, or the other numerous body parts he was led to believe.
As this was the only girl that was not protected by a big dumb member of the football team, he instantly fell in love.
At that moment however, the generic villain returned hunched over holding his cape across his face laughing stupidically.
In his right hand he held another mass of gum. Tyroth gasped as the evil creature moved across to his lover. He shouted in anger and leapt across at the villain, yanking his hand out of the way.
He then let go and as the villain’s head slammed forward into the gum, he stumbled about blinded and tripped backwards onto a table that had just happened to have been placed upside down. Tyroth then turned the table upright and declared his victory over the generic villain.
But as he turned around to kiss the girl, the villain leapt on him from behind, having used a demonic spell to free himself from the gum. Tyroth struggled, but slowly, the villain pushed the gum closer and closer to his head. Suddenly, there was a blinding light as the demi-god came onto the scene again. Seeing the situation, he bequeathed Tyroth with two artifacts of incredible power. As he pointed forward, Tyroth suddenly was holding the Butter Knife of Saint Dotcom and the Peanut Butter of Sir Bob the Extra.
Then the Demi God sat at a distance munching on a bag of salted mixed nuts. Tyroth pulled away from the villain then lunged forward slashing madly with the artifacts, the villain then evaporated into puffy black smoke.
The demi-god applauded as Tyroth spread the Peanut Butter on Kiana and removed the evil gum. Then he gaped as Tyroth sat next to Kiana and hauled her into him for a passionate kiss; Which was incidentally edited out and replaced with a montage of imploding buildings with the song "Staying alive" Playing in the background.
Kiana suddenly woke up and screamed at a pitch to shatter glass.
She immediately bolted up and slapped Tyroth then hugged him, and then slapped him again.
And then she had decided she liked this guy with dragon wings after knowing him for a whole nine seconds, growing a deep emotional bond with him, and passionately hugged and kissed him again. By this time, one of the guys around the room had woke up.
Shocked by this, he stood up and hung his head sadly to go back to having a relationship with his girlfriend.
Then some guys that worked for the school news-sheet-of-paper woke up.
They half heartedly printed the some-what good news in the paper, later on the mass of scorned males uprose against the school and brought the countryside to a state of anarchy. But Kiana and Tyroth had already set off to some low morale city to get hitched.
But since he was a prince and she was a princess, they were soon tracked down by their ‘caring’ parents and dragged off to a royal pavilion.
For who knows why, but in any case after the marriage they both immediately grew a deep emotional bitter hatred for one another which they expressed with fighting with the sacred artifacts the demi god had given them.
The two kingdoms that were now conjoined were in disarray, their new leaders had spent most of their days fighting and bickering, instead of sitting in the throne room pretending their parents had given them control over the kingdoms.
Though their domineering parents were behind the scenes the whole time, controlling everything.
However, because of the blessing the demi god had given them Kiana was able to talk her husband into a second honeymoon.
This accomplishment took one uncompleted sentence.
It was indeed a real life miracle.
After that they lived in semi-non-realistic-peace for the rest of their lives.
The Rather anticipated, and highly sought End