A Generic adventure like thingy, By Mewd, and Bowser
Once, or twice. There was a band of four stereotypical adventurers
on a random quest.
There was a paladin, a mage, a healer, and an elf, just too insure that things were as unoriginal as possible.
The four were very good friends, and as such they argued and
Bickered as much as possible over every insignificant thing possible.
They'd all lived in the same village since birth and they had set out on a misguided quest for fame, fortune, the meaning of life, and cheaper long distance rates.  To prepare for this, they brought a package of sausages with them in case they needed them.
To find these things they went to the most obvious place, 21st century los vegas!
Upon arriving they were blinded by all the neon lights and staggered aimlessly until they somehow found themselves in a fast food establishment, scared by the colorful decor they drew their weapons and proceeded carefully. They then came across a wise monk who was sitting in the center of the restaurant, holding a sign that read "Free with every kids meal".
Figuring that they might need a wise monk with them, they purchased a kids meal so they could get one.
The paladin loaded the meal into his pouch as if it were a sacred relic, and the monk dropped his sign and saluted them as he joined the party.
Anyway, they left the restaurant and walked out onto the streets to discover that a scene of pure anarchy and chaos had broken loose, with a group of people in demonic masks shouting "Death to all that oppose us!" and swinging dead goats over their heads.
The heroes of our story, who right away knew these people were a threat, ran away very, very quickly.
They eventually managed to get to a hotel, where they burst in and hid under the beds for a very long time.
Dispite the room already being occupied, no one seemed to mind. Once they crawled out the mage took out a map and laid it on the bed and scanned over it intently.
“Odd” He said aloud as the occupants ran away at the sight of armed warrior hiding under their bed. “I could have swore fame and fortune were somewhere around here…”
“Eh, you’re reading it wrong,” The paladin said as he forced it upside down.
He discovered that there was a dark citadel of pure evil not too far away, thinking this was fame,  the group charged off to destroy its cruel master for some reason or another.
Soon they arrived at a sinister and imposing castle cut into the side of a cliff, with vultures circling over it, a moat of lava around it, and a "No Soliciting" sign on the front gate.
The gate was a small white picked fence, which was about three feet high, "Its locked from the inside!" The elf cried as she desperately shook the handle of the door. "Darn, its probably a door stopper or something, not even my magic could open it" The mage hung his head.
The wise monk stepped forward and offered a plan far too complex and convoluted to mention here, which they all agreed to seeing as he was a wise monk.  Soon they were past the gate with only minor burns and internal injuries.
"Wow, you turned out more useful then I thought!" The paladin patted the monk on the back, but as he did the monk jutted his hands up and collapsed infront of them.
"You killed another one! What did I tell you about killing party members indirectly paladin?" The healer scolded him.
The paladin hung his head, but immediately cheered up when he remembered the kids meal in his pouch, which all ate cheerfully as they sat in plain view of all the evil villain's forces.  But no matter how many arrows the vile monsters and random pieces of shrapnel shot at them, they all inexplicably missed since the villains of a story always have bad aim. After they had fought over who got to have the last French fry they set out again into the evil fortress. On the door was a riddle, "What is the meaning of life?".
They all sat down and thought carefully and painstakingly for several hours before the paladin stood and said "This is stupidly ironic, thats why we left our home to find out!"
Suddenly door glew a bright green and the word "Irony" appeared on it, and the door slid open.
A three-hour celebration followed.
"Yay, apparently we're all here on earth to supply irony to the gods" The elf chimed gleefully and they ran inside. Inside was an average looking living room, with couches, two televisions on either side of the room, and a horribly stained carpet.
They proceeded to ransack the room looking for valuables.
"Look!" exclaimed the mage excitedly. "I found twenty-five cents in the couch!"
The others whole heatedly patted him on the back and lavished him with compliments. After stealing a few floorboards and their packs were getting rather heavy, they decided to go into another room.
The next room was a torture chamber, complete with a rack, an iron maiden, thumbscrews, and a collection of Britney Spears CDs.
They, like most small children, began to explore blindly looking for anything interesting.
However all they found were a collection of the most powerful weapons in the universe, the Elixir of Life, and a sure fire guide to pure happiness, all of which they tossed out the nearest window in their search for candy bars and such.
The Paladin stuck his head into the iron maiden, proclaiming “Its dark in here!”
The others immediately rushed over and stuck their heads into the iron maiden as well, to gasp in awe at the darkness within. however, Mage and Healer were in such a rush that they tripped over their own robes, and tumbled forward knocking everyone face forward into the maiden, however paladin blocked the spikes with his armor and the whole mess fell threw the cheap shoddy flooring and inexplictably landed in the living room.
A number of goblins sat on the couch attempting to decide who got control over the television remote threw hysterical combat.  As the heroes regained conciseness the goblins immediately dived under the couch cushions and stuck out like sore thumbs. Wondering where they went our heroes were of course unable to see them, and searched fruitlessly for them for hours.
Bored with the lot of this, they ran down another random passage
They came to a large door with a sign on it, which read: "Danger! Incredibly powerful and vicious demons beyond this door! Only a group of total idiots would open it, so DON'T DO IT!!!"
Paladin stepped forward "They only put this up to keep out idiots, we shouldn't have any trouble" he pointed out.
*We shall spare the reader the incredibly violence and carnage of the next scene*
Somehow, they managed to survive and found themselves right outside the chamber of the Dark Lord of the castle...The Mayor of Los Vegas! (Dun dun DUN!!!)
They ran into his office finding him sleeping with his feet up on his desk, and beat him into an undesirable state with paladin.
Paladin staggered around for a little while afterwards, since they'd picked him up and used him as a club against the Dark Lord. With a major feeling of accomplishment, they realized they'd done this for no reason.
However they weren't going to let a minor thing like that get in the way of their victory, and began to party recklessly about the office.
Then they TPed his office and stole a desk chair, feeling that they'd done their best to save the city they retreated as soon as the police arrived.
Carrying their bags of loot (and a desk chair), they began the long journey home.
Disappointed that they hadn't gained fortune or fame, they came home from the twenty first century to sulk in sadness.
They decided to cope with their disappointment like any mature adult would, and threw huge tantrums and sulked for days on end.
Until mage realized, that by putting the mayor of los vegas in traction, they would be put in every newspaper about 1900 years from now.
With this realization, everyone rejoiced greatly and decided that they ought to do this regularly.
All that was left was for them to gain fortune to bring a end to their dreams and hopes of which were rather misguided.
The easiest way to do so would be to travel to a nearby island that conveniently had a special type of monster that roamed on it that somehow or another always had large quantities of cash with it.
So they immediately started swimming into the open sea towards it, but half way there paladin began to complain that he was sinking from all the weight in his armor.
The others told him to quit griping about such minor details, and completely ignored him as he slowly began to slip down into the murky depths.
He scrambled about flailing his arms and then grabbed onto the most stable thing nearest him, which happened to be Mage.
The mage then grabbed the elf, and this continued in a chain reaction until the entire party was latched onto each other and blindly flailing around in the water.
About to die they all looked back upon their adventure as it flashed before their eyes, ignoring what a complete waste it was they then sunk the 3 feet to the sandy depth they had been swimming at, barely off shore, and ankle deep.
They completely panicked and ran screaming onto the beach, not even realizing that they were out of the water once they got there.
They then stopped, dropped and rolled about the sand in sheer hysteria.
Once they got up, the sand had totally coated their bodies and had hardened to them, causing another group of adventurers to mistake them for Sand Golems.
After beating them ritualistically not noticing the abundance of blood and such that Golems lack they took all their supplies and weapons and ran off into the distance.
When our heroes regained consciousness, they reacted like any brave adventurers would, by blaming each other for whatever they might've gotten blamed for while being unconscious. They argued over whose fault it was for a bit, dispite the lack of something to argue about. Finding no other option they stole a boat. "Now you see, because we'll be paying our taxes with the money we make for using this boat, this shouldn't effect my alignment" Paladin nodded ignoring the angry fishermen screaming at them from the dock. They traveled a whole six feet into the open sea when they smacked right into a tiny island with a giant monster sitting in the center starring off into space. The elf then chucked an oar at the beast, and it faded into nothingness as soon as it hit, and gold began to spout out from where he stood pelting them fiercely.
They frantically ran around with big sacks that suddenly appeared for no apparent reason in an attempt to get all the gold and avoid any more injuries.
"Okay, now that we have the ship thoroughly weighted down with more gold than it can possibly hold, let's set sail for some unknown port in the middle of the ocean!" the mage suggested.
However, the gold continued to spout out of thin air relentlessly, and added onto the ships weight causing it to sink the whole 5 feet into the ocean shore.
They grabbed all the gold they could carry and ran off in a random direction falling over deck, and began to swim about hoping to find land.
So they ended up lost at sea.
They began to become very exhausted with the exertion of trying to stay afloat, at which point the healer suggested that they might have an easier time if they got rid of the fifty-pound sacks of gold they were all carrying.
After they each slapped him, including he himself, they continued to swim.
It wasn't long after that that they finally came across a circle penicle of rocks, sitting on one of the rocks was a beautiful mermaid clothed in battle armor. She greeted them kindly in turn before they even looked at her.
Sensing that she must be important to the plot (or lack thereof), they decided to loot her of any earthly possessions. "I am the oracle of the sea, you have all come here today because it is part of your destiny that have a long and important fa-" they then chucked a gold sack at her as she began to explain why she was there
She was immediately knocked unconscious, and they began to search her for valuables.
"She had a whole bag of gold on her!" Healer laughed happily as he snagged the bag they'd thrown. "It's our lucky day!"
They celebrated for fifteen minutes, then resumed wandering the sea.
Cold, hungry, tired, and paranoid, they continued to swim until they decided to set up camp.
Using jellyfish, sacks of gold, and duct tape, they made a floating tent that they could sleep in for the night.
They woke up in fishermens nets the next day.
The fishermen were all celebrating drunkenly, convinced that they had caught the Loch Ness Monster, and didn't notice the fact that our heroes had begun to take over their ship and throw them overboard.
"Have you ever tried to sail a ship before?" Paladin asked mage.
"No, but I read about it in a book once"
"I was a passenger of one once!" the elf added.
"Oh, we should be all set"
Amazingly, they managed to sail a straight course for several weeks and soon headed toward land. Unfortunately, none of them knew how to stop the ship, and kept sailing straight on into the dock, causing people to panic as it ripped threw all the other boats and homes upon it.
The mage decided that it might be time to use the anchor, which he repeatedly beat the steering wheel of the ship with in hopes that it would make the ship stop.
The ship continued to rip threw everything until they all bailed out at the last second as the ship came to a halt when it nearly silently tapped land.
They congratulated themselves for making it out unscathed and tripped over board and were attacked by angry jellyfish.
Satisfied that they'd accomplished their goal they decided to go home to do nothing but continuously brag about it obnoxiously, they then realized they had no idea where their home was.
The paladin grabbed the nearest convenient stranger and asked him if he knew where their home was.
The stranger told them that he did, and led them to his own home.
Not knowing any difference, our heroes walked inside and began to eat everything in sight, whether it was food or not.
They bragged to the strangers wife and children about their achievements and mocked them for never fulfilling their own life dreams, especially to the children.
Then they fell asleep and began to snore loudly while occasionally shouting about baloney in their sleep.
The family went on with their lives uneffected by this.
After a few years, it finally dawned on the questors that this wasn't actually their home.
In apology for eating their food and forcing them to sleep outside to get away from their incoherent nighttime babble they gave them a bronze piece.
Then ran away like thieves.
Daunted, they had no way to return to the life they once knew, they all cried openly and hugged one another. They couldn't find it alone, so they began shamelessly begging for help from anyone and anything they saw.
After a failed attempt to get a dog to lead them blindly back home, they found a traveling merchant who sold maps.
They asked if he had a map to their home, despite not being able to give him any more details than that.
He nodded and gave them a blank piece of paper that had a X in the middle that read "you are here"
Rejoicing, they immediately ran off in a random direction to find their home (without taking the map).
After a month of traveling they survived with nothing but big heavy bags of gold, they somehow managed to find their home.
It had been ransacked and all valuables, furniture, walls, and the roof had been taken by people who either thought they were dead or just wanted their stuff.
Happy they'd made it back they dropped the heavy bags and dumped them out and then rolled in them continuously.
Then they collapsed from utter and total exhaustion and slept for three straight days.
They then spent the entire fortune on gumballs and smiley face buttons. And lived happily ever after being arrested for killing the mayor of los vegas.
THE END



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