(Title Pending),
By Smash, and TMS



One stupidly cliché morning, the freakishly happy-face sun rose over the Mushroom
Kingdom, casting light right into a cave that was inhabited by the Guardian of Plit.
"AHHHH! MY EYES!" Smash howled as the brightness woke him up. "It's obviously a demonic
attack!" He grabbed his sword and chopped blindly at a piece of furniture in the corner.
"Why meeeeeeee? WWWwwwwwwwwwhyyyyyyyy?!" a voice echoed into the cave and Smash
heard crying. He ran blindly at the source of the sound, tripping over a few rocks that were strewn
about the cave. After proclaiming the nonexistent cleaning staff agents of the Devastator and
swearing revenge, he found the source of the crying.
TMS was bawling his eyes out sitting on the floor. "I... Want... my... MOMMY!" Smash, looking
straight ahead, did not see TMS until he tripped over him too and went crashing to the floor.
"Oooooow! You big bully! You must hate me too!" TMS screamed at the top of his lungs. "Oh...
Hi Smash..."
"Hi TMS," Smash said calmly, getting up and dusting off his tunic.
"SMASH!" a voice shrieked, causing the dragon to fall quivering to the floor, "What's that
noise?!"
"Oh, TMS came over for a visit,"
"Oh, all right then," Gillian continued sweetly from her and Smash's room. "I'll get dressed in the
skimpiest outfit I can find now and see you in a few minutes."
"TMS! Look what I've found..." Racku began dragging in a very large fifteen headed hydra. "Isn't
he sweet?" Racku petted him on the head and smiles.
TMS stood up and went to pet the hydra, but it snapped at him, viciously drooling and trying to
bite his hand off. "EEEEEEEee!"
"Aaaw... He likes you!"
Smash immediately recognized this new threat and drew his sword, flying at the hydra-and past it
to chop at a little goomba that was wandering by the cave.
"Hello boys," a voice echoed, causing all 18 heads to turn. Gillian was standing in the doorway
with little but a few strips of cloth as her clothing. She nonchalantly tossed some voodoo dolls of
her sisters into a corner.
"Awww," Smash whined. "When are you going to clean those up? We already have three rooms
full of those!"
"NNnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooo!" Racku wailed holding the utterly destroyed goomba. He seemed
to be completely ignoring Gillian now that he realized it was a scantily clad girl. "How... could..
.you? It was alive too!"
"It was going to bite your toes," Smash explained.
"Oh, okay then," Racku agreed, tossing the thing to tumble down the hill outside the lair.
TMS sniffled several times, attempting to gain the attention and sympathy of the whole room.
Smash and Gillian completely ignored him.
"TMS, is something wrong? Are you sick? Do you have a fever? A cold?" Racku asked.
"HE TRIPPED OVER ME!" TMS wailed.
Racku looked at him blankly. "What? Is this some new generation term for something? I don't get
it..."
"I hate you!" TMS whined, slapping Racku. He pulled out a picture of Odera, kissing it. "And I
love her! And I love you!" he proclaimed to Racku, "And I hate her!" he said, burning the picture.
"Um... I'm sorry, TMS... But I'm married and related to you... I can't return your sentiments..."
Racku frowned
"... YOU HATE ME!" TMS screamed.
"No..."
"Then you love me?"
"No..."
"MAKE UP YOUR MIND!"
"I'm sorry to interrupt this male bondage..." Smash said, causing everyone to stare at him.
"Whaaaaaat?"
"He means male bonding," Gillian said, "And he means to say that that stinky, not-nice, Bowsie
Kewpa is going to try to make himself the supreme ruler of Heck today. Normally, we wouldn't
mind someone doing this, but we don't like Bowser, so we're going to show up at his castle and
poke him in the eyes until he changes his plans."
"Actually, Smash... I leave that kind of thing up to my brother... Secondly... CAN I JOIN IN?!"
Racku asked excitedly.
blinked a couple times trying to take in what Racku had just said. "Wha... What?" He tried to
recall through his confusing lineage who Racku was talking about.
"My brother. You know."
"Ohhhhhh... Eric..."
"No."
"Nathan?!"
"Yes."
"Your family is confusing..." TMS complained.
"No, no one else along," Smash said to Racku, "Well, maybe we could use the extra
eye-pokage.... Okay, we'd love you to come, and we'll throw in a free blender too!"
"Yay!" Racku cried, dancing happily around the room, stepping on several feet while doing so.
"Lemmee get this straight... You're gonna leave me alone with my beautiful, extremely favoring to
Kasara-Chiri men, slightly slutty cousin-in-law and expect me to behave myself?" TMS
questioned.
"Yep, that's the gist of it." Racku nodded. "And you know Peach doesn't like that... She hates
being called 'Cousin-In-Law'..."
"Sweeeeeeeet... I'm gonna read a book for a while and eat my veggies and go to bed when she
tells me to."
"Darn... And I was hoping I'd find some houses TPed when I got back home and that you
destroyed the palace..." Racku sniffled.
"Actually," Smash interrupted, "I'd like to have him along too, if that's quite convienent. And bear
in mind that if you refuse, it will mean the end of this planet as you know it."
"Heck, no! It's too dangerous for an immortal!" Racku bellowed, causing everyone to whine at his
feet like little kids, begging him to let TMS come along.
"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease Racku! Don't leave him alone with that woman... I'd rather he stay
within close eye sight range so that I can yell at someone who is shorter than me if Smash gets
hurt..." Gillian pleaded.
"Does that mean you'll threaten to give him paper cuts and spray lemon juice in them?" Racku
asked brightly.
"Um... No?"
"Aw... Darn... No, then..."
All the pleading did no good, so they dropped TMS off at Peach's, but then he threw himself out
a window, landing with a splat on a poor citizen before running after Smash and his group.
Meanwhile, the hydra was running rampant in Smash's lair until it ate a spare thunderstone that
exploded within its belly and caused it to die of fright.
Back with the group....
"RAAAAAAAACKU!!!!" a voice shouted, and then he was jumped on.
Racku panicked trying hard to tug the girl who had jumped on him off. "A...zusa... So... Nice...
To... See... You..." he struggled trying to untangle the girl from his hair.
"Where's that cousin of yours? Maybe a brother? Your father? An uncle? A third brother twice
removed from an uncle of your mother's sister's daughter's husband's brother?"
"Aaarg... Why couldn't you be like your brother!"
"But... He drools over you, too, Racku!"
Gillian, unable to stand a display of public affection that was not hers, immediately tackled Smash
and started a contest over which could embarrass the male part of the couple more.
"Azusa, let go!" Racku wailed. "You're ruining my hair!"
"But it's so soft and huggable..." Azusa gripped on tighter.
"RACKU!" TMS jumped down and managed somehow to land on Azusa.
It took about three hours to get that mess sorted out, and it resulted in the loss of a lot of good
clothing and hair. However, Gillian always packed Rogaine and spare clothes for everyone on the
planet when she went out adventuring, so that day ended happily...almost.
***
"For the last time," Smash bellowed at Racku, "R-O-L-A-I-D-S does not spell relief, no matter
what the TV says!"
"I don't get it..." Racku looked confused.
"I wish Rolaids would get rid of Azusa..." TMS growled as Azusa, who was now thoroughly
attached to him, nearly strangled him to death.
Smash ignored this and stood up threateningly, or would have if a Koopa girl had not been
fastened around his body and hanging onto him with all her strength. TMS whimpered as Azusa,
all ready for competition, hugged him even tighter. Azusa smiled and started singing to the tune
'Mambo Number Five'. "A little bit of Racku in the sun, a little bit of Chimu..." she was cut of as
TMS screamed when she hugged him tighter.
***
That morning, Racku proclaimed the winners of the affection contest. "And the winners are...that
pair of griffins that flew overhead last night!"
The two lion-birds settled to the ground and began to give a long speech-one that the five would
not hear, as they were already sprinting towards Bowser's castle.
"Chiiiiiiiiimu... Can I have a lock of your hair to keep in a necklace and one day show up oddly
proclaiming it's an engagement present thus forcing you to marry me?" Azusa asked sweetly.
"Ask Racku." TMS growled angrily
"Racku, can I have a lock of your cousin's hair so that I can pop at the worst time possible and
claim he's engaged to me?" Azusa beamed.
Racku shrugged. "Sure, I guess."
At that instant, who should pop in but Smash and Gillian's child Adrienne, who may not have been
born yet, but who cares about that in this story? She was wearing a dress fashioned completely
out of bones, and several zombies shuffled along behind her.
"Wow..." Azusa hopped up and bowed at Adri's feet. "I am at your mercy oh powerful lady of
neatness and powers over the undead!"
"Ow!" TMS cringed having realized ten minutes later that Azusa had yanked one of his hairs.
He immediately started in on a whining fit that would but a kabuki actor to shame, but everyone
but Racku ignored him. Racku rushed over to TMS, but tripped over a tree root while everyone
else began to sing a rowdy drinking song to drown out the whining from both the male Starians.
Azusa sat like an obedient puppy dog at Adri's feet and ignored both of them, where as she
would of normally been hugging and comforting them. Her eyes got big and round every time one
of Adri's zombies moved or her dress shifted and clinked. "Neatness..."
Anyways, Smash's daughter decided to help them out in their Bowser-poking quest, and the rest
of the second day was completely taken up by getting TMS and Racku on their feet again.
That night, Smash complained to the rest, "Jeez, we aren't moving fast at all! I can still see the
Mushroom Kingdom fifty feet away!"
"Well, what do you expect? All-powerful beings that can time-travel can't get a car or a horse or
teleport... That'd be too easy..." Racku shook his head.
"Are we there yet?" TMS whined.
"Shuttup... It's enough to have to be in control over ONE Chimu." Adri insisted.
Smash was getting really bored though, so that night he decided to use his Mighty Plot-Affecting
Powers (TM) to teleport them to the gates of New Castle Koopa overnight.
That morning Racku woke up with a strange feeling, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it until a
jet of steam hit him in the face from the lava pool he was laying in.
"Gah!" He jumped up and tried to put the fire out.
TMS however was sleeping soundly on the lava, snoring annoyingly. Smash, Gillian, Adri and
Azusa had managed to appear on land.
"Planning on leaving me behind?" Peach asked standing right by the entrance. If it was possible,
she was even more scantily clad than Gillian. This of course resulted in a jealous explosion from
the other females in the group and another affection war, which involved all the males getting
knocked out early on and the ladies ending up with just three strips of cloth for clothing-or three
bones for Adri.
So the next night was spent outside the New Castle Koopa gates. Fortunately, though, Bowser
was such an idiot that he couldn't even tell they were there-even with the advanced detection
technique of looking out the window. Tiredly all three men got up to go into the castle, Smash with
Gillian clinging to him, Racku with Peach hugging around his waist and TMS with Azusa dragged
around on his hair while Adri barked orders at him. "Are we done yet?" TMS whined.
Smash pounded on the door first. "Who's THERE?!" came a voice from the inside.
"The fourth cousin of your fifth uncle on your mother's side's brother's wife's kids's nephew..."
Racku chuckled, expecting to be turned away.
"Oh... Ok then... Come on in..."
The door opened, and they were next confronted with an energy shield.
"WHY are you HERE?!" another voice screamed.
"To kick Bowser's slimy butt and send him crying to his soon-to-be-zombified mummy," Adri
replied promptly.
"I don't believe YOU! Go AWAY!"
"Naaah... We're really here to have tea and crumpets..." TMS rolled his eyes, speaking in a
sarcastic tone.
"Oh?"
"No, we're here as vacuum salesbeings!" Gillian interrupted. "You WILL buy Amway!"
"What?"
"Or was it magical baubles of soul draining power?" Azusa added.
"You're confusing me..."
"VCRs! VCRs!" Peach cried. "We're the only beings in the known universe that can program
them!"
"NOOOOOOOO!"
The energy field exploded with a fiery rage that did not touch our heroes even though they were 4
feet away from it.
"That was..." Racku began, awed.
"Dumb?" Peach supplied.
"Yeah, dumb." everyone else agreed.
"Well, I wanna get this over with and go home to my momm-..." TMS stopped as Adri gave him a
'you say that word, I kill you and zombify you' look.
"Uh, TMS... You don't HAVE a mother..." Racku reminded him.
"Oh... Yeah..."
Anyways, our 'heroes' continued into the castle, only to be stopped by the third 'challenge.'
Bowser had to obey the evil villians law that was ratified at the Geneva convention saying that he
had to have exactly three challenges for groups entering his castle.
"Eeeeeeee! It's a balloon dog!" TMS jumped into Adri's arms.
Adri immediately dropped him with a thump. She pulled one of the three remaining bones off her
body and poked the dog with it. Nothing happened.
"It's hopeless," she said, carefully rearranging the bone, though she caused every female to slap
her mate anyways.
Of course as Adri was his future wife, it affected TMS in no way. Racku, noting that she was a
scantily clad girl, ignored her, and it affected Smash none too, for he wouldn't be feeling lust for
his own daughter. So Adri just caused face-slapping everywhere else in the world.
TMS then rubbed his head. "You did something to my hair!" he then proceeded in pulling out
2000 different hairpins of varying sizes, shapes and pointynesses, but everyone ignored him and
his pointy things and began to poke the balloon dog with other pointy things that had no effect.
"And that's the last one..." TMS announced after putting the 5000 new hairpins he'd pulled out of
his pockets as well as the 2000 original ones into his hair.
"Oh well..." Racku grabbed the balloon dog who happily let Racku pet it. "Guess I get a new pet."
The balloon dog then proceeded to grin (somehow) evilly at TMS and then pounced fiercely upon
him.
"Ooooooow!" TMS screamed like the wimpy little girly-boy he was. "That huuuuuuuurts...
RACKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU..."
"Aaaaw... He likes you, too!" Racku gave a big smile. "Just like the Hydra and the lion and the cat
and the tiger and the bats and the snake and...." Racku continued on with a long list of slightly
dangerous animals that had fiercely mangled TMS's face, but then TMS's hair got angry and the
hairpins got possessed by evil (maybe) spirits too. The pins flew out of his hair and popped the
dog in less than a second.
"AHHHHHH!" Peach screamed.
"Cooooooool," Adri and Azusa said together.
"My...my...DOGGIE!" Racku howled. "Kill the hair!"
"Don't worry, I'll take care of it," Smash said ambling over to TMS. Placing his hands upon the
Starian's head, he cried. "By the power of the Dragon Father and all other minor deities, depart
this vessel!"
There was a violent scream as TMS was hurtled down the hall away from his hair. The living hair
was left hovering in the middle of the hallway.
"You always did have bad aim with that spell," Gillian commented.
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" TMS screamed. "MY HAIR!" he sniffled then went on a
rampage poking eveyrone and whispering 'paranoia' until they became paranoid (inside joke)
Much later, Racku and Smash managed to get the correct spell to restore TMS to his hair. The
group then (finally) went into the room to challenge Bowser, the new Prince of Insufficient Light
and Supreme Ruler of Heck. He now held a tiny fork and wore a pink tutu as symbols of his
power.
Unfortunately, all our 'heroes' had was a plastic spork with all the prongs ripped off and all of the
magic spells they could never learn to work properly. Things got worse when Bowser revealed his
fork to be a clothes attracting magnet and a great war broke out among the girls over who's guy
was more attracted to them without any clothing on. Racku shrugged and didn't even bother
looking at any of them, TMS got an instant nose bleed, Smash raised an eyebrow at Gillian.
Gillian raised an eye ridge at Smash too and winked, drawing them into an extremely
inappropriate embrace, especially when Bowser was charging towards them. At the last second,
the two stepped out of the way without separating from each other, however, and now Bowser
was charging at Racku.
Racku looked up at Bowser and then contemplated. "I've never had a pet Koopa before..."
Then Bowser tripped over him, causing the two to fall into the fight of females.
"Arg... Peach..." Racku tried to pull out of the fray. He then went on to add more information
about what she'd done than any of the present males wanted to hear. Smash completely ignored
them as he was more interested in Gillian. TMS had managed to find a kleenex, regardless of
which his nose was still bleeding, and Bowser had unfortunately fallen between Azusa and Adri.
Unfortunately for Bowser, this meant he became a double shield.
Peach and Racku continued to argue over whether or not Peach was behaving appropriately in
public. They eventually decided that Racku was absolutely...wrong...
TMS figured out he needed about half a dozen triple-thick kleenexes to keep his nose from
bleeding all over the place, and this only kept it so for 10 seconds.
A few hours later....
Bowser had triumphed, but only because Smash and Gillian had fallen asleep, Adri had defeated
Azusa and was now lecturing her about proper undead behavior, TMS had slipped and fallen
down in his own pile of blood, and Racku was now cuddling Kammy, his new pet.
Peach sulked in the corner. "This pet and that pet... What about your wife...?"
"You're a good pet too..." Racku beamed, squeezing Kammy half to death.
"So does this mean that you get first dibs on TMS?" Azusa gave Adri big round eyes.
"Heck no... Take the whiny runt..." Adri turned around to make sure her zombies had been
misbehaving themselves while she was preoccupied. It turns out that they had sat down stupefied.
"Aaarg... What good are destructive zombies if they don't DESTROY?"
Bowser, meanwhile, had gone off to do other EVIL things...like mending a broken shell and a
shredded tutu from getting in between Adri and Azusa.
At that moment TMS chose to wake up and regardless of the fact that earlier he hadn't wanted
anything to do with either girl begged on his knees for either Adri to boss him around or Azusa to
nearly strangle him to death in a hug-lock.
Adri and Azusa looked at each other, then turned back to him and said, "Nah..."
"You people are so insensitive!" he started blubbering. Then Smash and Gillian woke up.
"Say..." Smash began.
"Are we the only ones here that realize that everyone in this room is NAKED?!" Gillian blurted
out first.
"What?" Racku finally looked up, the sheepishly slunk into a corner.
"It's about time someone noticed." TMS huffed. "I happen to think that I have a perfectly nice
shaped body..."
"Perfectly petite you mean..." Adri pointed out.
"Heeeeey... I didn't degrade you..." TMS than ran off to cry in a corner.
"Heeeey," Kammy gasped, "Don't you think that you should go challenge Bowser now?"
"Nah," Smash said. "According to my calculations, some other thingy will have slapped him across
the face and stolen his tutu and fork by now."
"I STILL WANT A ROYALE PET KOOPA!" Racku whined.
"Shuttup." Peach mumbled.
"Clothes?" Adri questioned.
All the other girls gave her a pondering look. "Nah!"
Miraculously, however, the boys had managed to recover their clothes and two out of three made
a huge complaint about the girls even thinking about going out naked. TMS just shrugged and said
"Who cares?"
However, since the boys were always the near slaves of the girls, the girls got their way. They
were just about to leave the room when they were abruptly stopped by the King of Plotlines.
"YOU HAVE NOT CONQUERED THE EVIL THINGY!" it roared. "YOU MUST GO
BACK AND DESTROY BOWSER OR I SHALL REVOKE YOUR ADVENTURING
LISCENCES!"
Such a bold threat caused everyone to fall over laughing.
The entire party couldn't stop laughing for thirty minutes and then when most of them finally got
up, TMS was still rolling on the ground laughing.
"It wasn't THAT funny..." Adri reprimanded.
After that, they could think of nothing else better to do, so they just wandered into Bowser's inner
sanctum, where a fierce battle was being waged.
"LET GO!" Roy howled.
"No, it's my turn today!" Morton screamed. The two were fighting over a dress that made all the
others seem overly modest by comparison.
TMS made a disgusted face. "You two are gonna wear THAT? That's so last year..."
Adri then cuffed him over the head. Racku didn't quite understand. It was obvious that the group
was not going to get through without resolving the argument. Roy and Morton looked at TMS,
then as was usual for all things at least mildly dangerous, they attacked TMS's face.
Then they started to play tug-of-war over the right to make a dress out of TMS's hair.
A few hours later, everyone was sick of TMS's bloodcurdling screams, and so Smash proposed a
Solomon-like solution....by chopping both Morton and Roy in half.
"Aaaw.... But they'd make good pets... Look, they like TMS just like all my other pets!" Racku
whined.
It was too late, however, for both Morton and Roy were unconscious on the floor. Their skulls
were too thick to chop in half, so the others had just whacked them over the head and arranged
them in an extremely compromising position and added some fasle memories.
Before they left, TMS gave each of them a swift boot to the head. "That's for my beautiful silky
golden hair!"
"Beautiful?" Adri shook her head and rolled her eyes. "You must be joking...."
"And silky implies soft..." Azusa added.
"And your hair isn't gold." Racku attempted to be helpful in correcting TMS's statement.
"It's blonde..." Peach added.
This caused TMS to fall on the ground and throw a tantrum, lashing out with his arms and legs and
tripping everyone in the room.
After TMS wound down, Smash proclaimed TMS a demon for tripping him and proceeded to
remove all the pins from TMS's hair and stick them into a life-sized Bowser voodoo doll that he
had brought along for just such an occasion.
TMS sniffled then realized that his hair was still in place. "OH... So I don't need over 7000 pins to
hold it? Sweet!"
Azusa then tried to hide the large amount of TMS's hair that she had stolen much earlier and
snuggled up with every night. Everyone but Smash and TMS looked at her. TMS completely
ignored her. "Er... I can explain..."
"Sure you can," everyone but Smash and TMS said, quite sarcastically.
The group then ambled on, though Adri, Azusa, Peach, and TMS fell through a big garbage chute
while fighting with each other, leaving Smash, Racku, and a still-naked Gillian to defeat Bowser-at
least until the others rescued them at the last second with no explained reason.
"I really wish that you would at least wear all these pouches instead of making me carry them,"
Smash complained, staggering under the load.
"What, and ruin my lovely nude beauty?" Gillian retorted.
"But no one can tell whether you're wearing them or not. They're made of Koopa scales,
remember?" Smash grumbled.
Racku sighed. He STILL wanted a new Koopa pet. He then wondered for one second where
TMS was as the Koopa pet had to like him, then the next second he entirely forgot and found a
vicious little poodle wandering in the castle and hugged it. It tolerated Racku, but snarled at
Smash and Gillian.
This caused Smash to proclaim that it was a demonic poodle and chop it in half with his sword,
but it was a living clay poodle and so reproduced into two smaller vicious poodles.
The two poodles then jumped down the garbage chute and could be heard viciously tearing at
something. "Aaaw... They must have found TMS!" Racku beamed.
Regardless of screams of bloody murder and high Starian vengeance, Racku, Smash and Gill just
kept on.
They finally came to the door right before Bowser's inner lair, only 5 feet away from the first room
where they fought Bowser, but couldn't find the door handle.
At that moment, TMS with a thoroughly mangled face and two clay poodles clamped onto his
hair, Adri with a battle axe attempting to get rid of her competition of Azusa, and Peach holding
out an Odera voodoo doll and sticking pins into it fell in through a chute in the roof landing right on
top on the three. Racku griped and complained as Peach had landed in an odd position on him.
Adri and Azusa started screaming at each other, especially as Azusa had landed on Adri's
parents. TMS continued trying to shake the poodles off.
Adri chopped Azusa in half with the axe and also severed a clump of Gillian's hair. TMS pounced
on the hair and proceeded to decorate his own head with it-as well as the poodles. Smash and
Gillian climbed out from under the halved-Azusa just as she gave Adri a look and proceeded to
reassemble herself. Gillian took back her battleaxe from Adri and gave her a scolding about how
she should not touch things that don't belong to her, and then Smash gave his daughter a shiny
silver pointy stick to replace the axe. Gillian, with much complaining, put on a shoulderbelt to hold
her axe, making her the most dressed up of all the females in the room.
Azusa then attempted to destroy Adri by going vampire on her. However she learned all too late
that drawing out her fangs caused her to become dressed.
Adri and Peach gave each other nasty looks realizing that they were the two least dressed.
Fortunately, the fight was resolved quickly, by which I mean in only three
hours, and the entire group used TMS as a battering ram to knock down the door.
"Oow..." he whined.
in order to shut him up, Peach threw the Odera voodoo doll at him.
"Oooh... Nifty... A doll that oddly resembles arelative of mine!" TMS then
proceeded in making the doll walk around, which resulted in Odera walking in with an angry
scowl on her face.
"Wow... Neat..." Then ten seconds later he turned around and said "On second thought..." the he
clamped on to Racku and hugged him tightly around the waist. "Get lost you stupid evilish
woman..."
"Children today..." Odera shook her head.
"Old women with a nasty attitude and the inability to die..." Azusa taunted.
"So nice of you to speak up for yourself for once, Azusa." Odera smirked.
"WHAT?!" Azusa was then restrained by everyone but Adri who wanted Azusa to start a losing
fight.
It was then that the door gave way and everyone in the room but Odera charged into Bowser's
room. It was all pink and covered in fluffy pillows, with Bowser modeling a bikini and looking in a
mirror in the center of the room. Everyone stared, wide-eyed.
"Very weird," Odera commented, strolling into the room.
Bowser looked up and noticed all the attractive females that had just entered. After licking his
paw and rubbing his hair, he glided smoothly (And by that I mean only shaking the room and
causing gravel to fall from the ceiling) up to the group.
"So babe," he purred to Odera, ignoring all the other scantily or non-clad girls, "What's your
sign?"
"The sign of I'm gonna kick your scaly reptilian hide to the moon because I'm suppose to be the
only evil villain with a power hungry personality striving to gain control of this world and all the
forces of Heck." Odera crossed her arms. "Other than that we are perfectly compatible if you're
wondering, however any sort of marriage or other relationship between us would result in your
death by murder blamed on one of your children."
"so is that a yes to dinner this weekend?" Bowser asked hopefully.
"Sure, why not?" Odera shrugged, "but these people here want to fight you now. I'll see you after
you get killed and resurrected."
Bowser then smiled a huge grin that made him twice as ugly and turned to see that he was
surrounded by dressed male heroes, dressed female heroes, and nude female heroes. He started
drooling at the latter part, causing only a massive cloud of steam when he tried to breathe fire.
Racku frowned. "Now Bowser... That's my wife you're drooling over..." he then proceeded in
slapping Bowser on the wrist.
TMS however got a little more angry. Regardless of the fact that most of the trip he had been
ignoring Adri, he now decided to take vengeance out on Bowser's scaly hide. unfortunately he
missed and cut the tip off his own ponytail. He then began crying and whimpering over it.
Smash got angry over Bowser drooling at his wife and shoved his sword up Bowser's nose until it
skewered his brain and poked out the back of his skull. This affected Bowser's fighting ability
absolutely none, since he never used his brain in the first place.
Adri then shook her head. "Men..." she muttered and then conjured her zombies who managed to
stumble around bumping into walls until they finally found Bowser and pulled him into the ground.
Odera then proceeded in making herself ready for her date, put on make up and an un-revealing
red and black dress, and then resurrecting Bowser.
Racku's jaw dropped and because Odera was fully clothed he actually notice that there was a
GIRL in the room. "But... But... I thought that your original plan was to kill off my father, resurrect
yourself and get a date with ME!" he then proceeded in whining because the only fully clothed girl
was going away with a reptile in a bikini.
Odera and Bowser went off together with Racku crying and hanging onto Odera by the waist.
"So, now that Bowser's gone, who is the Supreme Ruler of Heck that we have to defeat?" Gillian
wondered out loud.
Bum bum bum! Sting music sounded as a hidden door opened to reveal a horrifying sight.
It just so happened that it was Ashiva the Dragon Slayer and she was wearing a white lacy
wedding dress. "So what lucky boy wants to be the Supreme King of Heck and rule beside me as
I've stripped Bowser of his ruling position?"
TMS raised his hand, and then got cuffed by Adri and Azusa. Smash was the first one to dive into
a corner and cower. Gillian, Azusa, and Adri all drew their weapons and growled. Racku flew
screaming into the room, propelled by one of Odera's feet.
"Well then. Guess there's only one left!" Ashiva beamed.
Racku looked around and his eyes widened as he realized she was talking about him. "Now just a
minute..."
Peach looked around, looking suspiciously like Racku, and then realized who Ashiva was talking
about.
"NOW A WAIT A MINUTE!" Peach started screaming.
"Ashiva..." someone tapped the blonde-haired girl with the red war paint and white wedding
dress. There was some whispering heard and then a red-haired, brown-red-eyed girl in black and
gold walked out into the open "I would like to announce that as the Anti-Christ I have controlled
this matter and I am now the Supreme Ruler of Heck... However I have agreed with Ashiva that
she may rule the middle word and thus she still has rights to pick one of you as her king!
Then she disappeared into a blast of flame. Ashiva looked confused, and then shrugged mildly and
began to look over the guys again.
"Hm... A dragon who in any normal circumstance I'd be scraping the hide off to make armor out
of... A little boy... Or the most handsome guy I've seen in years... Hm... The choice is obvious."
Ashiva than went and dragged Smash out of the corner. Gillian let out a bloodcurdling scream of
horror.
Everyone but Gillian, Smash, and Ashiva fell down crying as their ears dripped blood at that
scream. Gillian continued to scream until Ashiva and Smash had already teleported away. Then
she grabbed her axe and decided to go after them.
Adri then realized the temporal flux this would cause and the fact that if she didn't stop Ashiva,
she'd never be born. She then proceeded in dragging her future-in-laws and future husband with
her. Azusa tagged along for no reason.
They all leapt into the portal that Ashiva had stupidly left open and ended up in an entirely different
plane.
"Ooh! Candy!" Azusa squealed and leapt at the nearest tree.
TMS looked around. "Sweeeet..."
"Aaagh!" Adri noticed that Ashiva had already managed to drag Smash all the way to the
ceremony would be preformed and that Gillian was being held down by licorice vines. She then
did something she had screamed at TMS for "MOMMY! DADDY!"
Everyone looked at her funny except TMS, who had run away and Adri just now realized that he
was eating the licorice ropes holding her mother down. "Yay... Licorice is good..." TMS beamed
as he happily chewed.
Gillian burst out of the ropes then and leapt on Ashiva, knocking her down. Smash just stood
there, though he was under absolutely no physical or mental restraint.
"Sweeeeeeeeeeeet..." TMS stood there looking at all the candy while eatting the rest of the
licorice.
Gillian tore at Ashiva's dress with razor sharp claws, shredding the dress, but causing no harm
whatsoever to her enemy's unprotected body. Meanwhile, Adri was slapping her father in an
attempt to get him to move.
"Smash... Demon!" TMS threw a chewy life-size demon candy at Smash.
Smash screamed in rage and chopped the candy in half, even though his sword was still up
Bowser's nose, and then in quarters, and so on until it was little but pool of jelly on the ground.
Meanwhile, Azusa was chewing on the tree, causing naturalists to charge at her and carry her off
in chains.
"Sweet...." TMS awed. Then he changed his mind. "On second thought, Racku could probably of
done better..."
Meanwhile, Gillian had torn apart Ashiva's wedding dress, causing the dragon slayer to fall on the
ground and cry like a baby. TMS instantly got a new nosebleed as Ashiva's dress fell off. Racku
began once again ignoring the fact that girls were present.
"Well, that was...interes-ack!" Gillian said as Ashiva suddenly pounced on her with a savage
growl. As her mother struggled with the dragonslayer, Adri decided to finally meddle in the battle.
"You... You... Worthless hunk of inferior reptilian scaly hide!" Ashiva screamed. "A half-breed
with your blood in it is as worthless as a crumpled ball of plastic wrap!"
Adri looked VERY insulted by that. "Excuse me, but what did you say about me?"
Ashiva didn't notice the angry expression upon Adri's face. "I said that you're as worthless as a-
gack!"
Adri had suddenly cast the mightiest of necromancer spells. With a massive focusing of willpower,
she brought to life all the humus in the soil beneath them. Ashiva shrieked as she slowly began to
sink into the living dirt. The unconscious Gillian was safely borne into Smash's arms on a wave of
the same living dirt.
"Sweet..." TMS looked dumb struck, which wasn't too far from his normal look. Racku had fallen
asleep in the normal style when he was adventuring with men only, with his shirt rolled up under
his head as a pillow, his belt thrown over a branch of the nearest tree, and his boots set next to his
feet.
Peach looked at Racku and her mouth dropped open. "What the heck?! He slept through this and
I didn't even get to watch him take his shirt off?! NOT FAIR!"
Smash and Gillian were embracing while Adri was taking great pleasure in tormenting Ashiva- at
least until the dragonslayer opened up another portal and escaped through it, closing it behind her
this time.
Meanwhile, with Odera and Bowser...
"You like... Your meat living?" one of the two asked.
"What? I thought you were suppose to be the barbaric reptilian king..." Odera proceeded by
ripping the heart out of the animal placed in front of her and eating it while it still beat.
"Well... That's an odd quality in a woman..." Bowser tried to recover himself.
Back with the group...
Azusa had been imprisoned by tree-huggers, Adri was raging at Ashiva and sending zombies into
all different dimensions to search for her, Smash and Gillian were enjoying an intimate moment of
which the less said, the better, Peach was trying to wake the snoring Racku by slapping him, and
TMS had gotten food poisoning.
Racku didn't wake up so Peach just decided to press close to him, knowing that she was wearing
nothing and it was likely to wake him up and bother him. TMS turned a sickly green color and fell
over, half-dead. Adri insisted on ignoring TMS and raging on and Gillian and Smash... Er...
Censored...
Adri finally got done raging and turned towards her parents. "Oh crap, I'm going to have a little
sibling soon, aren't I?"
This caused everyone to laugh, except TMS, who was throwing up blood. "Help... Me..." TMS
dragged himself across the ground to Adri. Adri ignored him.
Racku had finally woke up and finally noticed that Peach was actually present. "Hello, my love...
What're you doing here?"
"Making sure you don't get yourself killed... Or worse... Some girl that's younger than me with a
better body takes you!"
The next morning, everyone was doing the exact same thing. And the morning after that, and the
morning after that, and the morning after that... After a week, Odera had possessed Bowser and
was forcing him to do evil things.
Which included begetting a half-breed Starian/Koopa child which made everyone look on in
sickened disgust and made Adri very jealous in the future.
TMS almost died on food poisoning, and then remembered he couldn't even be hurt by it.
Peach and Racku eventually did have a censored moment when the two of them actually agreed
on SOMETHING.
Smash and Gillian did not have another child, it turns out, but they were exhausted enough to
sleep for the next three days. Some demons invaded Plit, but they were inhaled by a goomba and
drowned. Smash eventually got his sword out of Bowser's nose, and then spent a week
performing a purifying ritual on it.
Whereas Racku and Peach ended up with Ali, their first child and a horrid terror of a child at that.

THE END






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